Well, the election is over. And although the world might be coming to an end, I will now be blogging more often. So there’s always a rainbow, my friends, always.
So my best guy friend and I were discussing dating. Not dating each other, but dating in general. He shall remain nameless, but then again, I have remained nameless so the mere naming of my friend would have no meaning to you. So I could technically name him, but I’m still not going to on the off chance you do know who I am and then you might figure it out. But then again, if you do know who I am then you already know who I’m talking about… Well whatever! Can you just stop being so difficult for one second of your life, and let me tell the freakin story!
We often times find ourselves having these kind of conversations in hopes of figuring ourselves out and better understanding our issues so that we may become a beacon of light, a shining example for our gender. Or we do it because we are the only ones who will not judge us for the ridiculous and terribly honest things we say.
First, there’s something you’ve got to understand about my friend. Let’s call him Kenny. Happy now? Well, Kenny once broke up with a girl because of her elbows. And I rejected a guy one time because he was too Italian. And I love Italians, so as you can imagine, this was a tragedy of mass proportion. The point is, we are relationally challenged. We’re very good at talking ourselves out of things using any justification at our disposal, and if there isn’t one available then we just make it up. Most of our conversations resemble reruns of Seinfeld or something of that nature. Get the picture? Of course you do. You’re bright.
So we’re sitting there, discussing our problems and an exchange to the following effect takes place:
me: ok. so, again, why can’t you like her?
ken: well, the personality is great. face is great. everything is great. and I might even say it’d be the real deal if…
me: ….if what?
ken: it weren’t for the gap.
me: what gap?
ken: the teeth gap. can’t get passed it.
me: Ok, so to recap: you’re not going to date this girl, who otherwise might be the one because you can’t get passed the gap?
ken: no, its not just the gap. but thats a big part of it.
me: well that’s good to know. I’m glad it’s not just the gap, but that it’s a whole slew of frivilous things. you’re growing.
ken: i mean, if i could just close it somehow. [holds up his first finger and thumb to form a gap]
me: close it? not gonna happen. and you can’t suggest that. no. NO.
ken: no? but what if….
me: no.
Check out more of the Kenny Chronicles:
A Conversation at Starbucks
Black Friday, depression, and a Salvation army chair
A Bad Gordita and Some Classy Water
Sigh… you should my trademark gap. Thank God I’m not looking for a Ken! Doesn’t sound like, me, is too keen on them either!
It’s okay, I scare the crap out of me every morning.
You know, Seinfeld or Elaine wouldn’t have minded.
Much.
very interesting! i think I just might subscribe to your blog!
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Fourth word above, insert missing “see.” It’s two hours later here. That’s why I made a mistake.
Really.
sorry had to show my dad that’s why I asked but he loved it! so you got the parents approval! lol
seroiusly elbows???? what is this world coming to! I guess your going to tell me I have to start shaving now eh!
paul. we all scare the crap out of me in the morning. i’m sure your gap is hermity and wonderful and you wouldn’t be the same without it! its the little things that make people who they are.
dear one and only, this takes a big burden off my shoulders. we are now free to be together with your parent’s blessing! haha
Well, all the creatures in the forest like it.
At least, tolerate it.
I think they talk behind my back though.
Damn, if only I could find people to turn down over something small like that. Instead, I just keep running into people lacking in far more important areas. Lame.
Maybe it’s because I haven’t been exposed to the top notch dating potential in Rockford. Hm….
i’m telling u brandon, you need to cross the wisconsin-illinois border. as soon as you do that the floodgates of hotties will open to you. and then, you too will have to reject people based on superfluous things like elbows and teeth gaps
hahaha! oh, the curse of the gap! Great to hail a cab with, if you can work it!
Man, I’m glad mine closed up on its own. I know your pain. I know your pain.
oh you hate your job huh? i know alot of people who hate their jobs. i was formerly one of those people… but there shall be a blog on that soon enough
[...] always got your best interest in mind. If you didn’t get a chance to read the first one, please do so here because the second installment is comin at ya faster than an outta shape asthmatic kid chasing after [...]
[...] [a telephone conversation between Kenny and I] Again, if you don’t know who Kenny is, please do some research and return back to this [...]
[...] telephone conversation between Kenny and I] Again, if you don’t know who Kenny is, please do some research, get your life together, and then return back to this [...]
Oh holy crap.
Have you seen ‘So I Married An Axe Murderer’??
He broke up with his girlfriend because she smelled like vegetable soup.
pinky, can you BLAME HIM? how could you live with that, honestly….
How long ago was this convo?
mika- welcome! Interesting question. to pinpoint that time would be impossible as we have been friends for years. i think it had something to do with a girl who smelt like a chocolate martini let’s just say she was 2 legit 2 quit.
I know he is your friend and all…but is he that superficial?
like sands through the hourglass so are the days of Kenny and the elephant’s superfluous conversations. This blog can be likened to a work of poetic art, having a different meaning for each reader. Kenny is my friend, yes. and the best Kenny a girl could ask for.
My good friend, Jess and I also have a similar relationship to you and Ken. haha…and does smelling ‘like a chocolate martini’ and being ’2 legit 2 quit’ insinuate she was black?
haha. oh carl… no no, just means that she had a few TOO MANY chocolate martinis
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[...] they leave Italy, something just goes haywire. I myself, am Italian – but not that Italian. Orazio was his name. Orazio was one of the sweetest people on earth. He had a good job, and was to inherit his [...]
[...] more chapters in the Kenny Chronicles, please check out: How to talk yourself out of dating almost anyone, A conversation at Starbucks, Black Friday, depression, and a Salvation Army chair, A [...]
Hmm, I try to imagine if the girl of my dreams had a gap also… what would I feel?
Terrible. I couldn’t seem to accept it either. I feel terrible.
Maybe, just maybe, I haven’t met that kind of a girl yet who’s almost perfect in most ways, but that gap.
Maybe, just maybe, I’ll see it through.
Oh, that’s one hard situation to be into.
Don’t you think?
flash… now you understand. quite the predicament isn’t it? but if its any consolation, she was not the girl of his dreams. it was just one thing of many. had she been, he MIGHT have seen it through… but then again, it is kenny