I shall now introduce to you the newest category here at The Daily Elephant: The Kenny Chronicles. What exactly are the Kenny Chronicles? Well, due to overwhelming feedback on the blog I wrote last week referencing a dating conversation between my best friend ”Kenny” and I, I will now be dispensing more blogs of this nature. I’ve always got your best interest in mind. If you didn’t get a chance to read the first one, please do so here because the second installment is comin at ya faster than an outta shape asthmatic kid chasing after an ice cream cart.
Kenny and I meet at a bookstore or Starbucks on a quasi-regular basis to discuss our issues. I think we feel that the bookstore-ish surroundings make us more intellectual than we actually are, which in turn helps us more quickly penetrate to the heart of our problems. Of course, this isn’t really successful because everyone (except us) acknowledges that merely sitting in a bookstore does not make you more intellectual.
I arrive to find Kenny sitting out on the patio, sipping on an overly-priced mountain of coffee flavored whipped cream and looking rather introspective. As I park my car, I instantly notice a drastic change upon my friend’s all too familiar face. I don’t like change. Before I sit down, I go inside and purchase the ridiculously too-big cookie of the day, which is always some random shape that makes no sense. That day it was a lemon wedge. And the following conversation begins:
me: seriously? you got your hair cut.
kenny: i couldn’t stand it anymore.
me: but Richie’s wedding is next week.
kenny: I know. but it’s sooooo hot outside.
me: sooo hot? my hair is black and 3 feet long and you don’t see me buzzing it off do you?
kenny: relax. IT’S HAIR. it’ll grow back.
me: not in ONE WEEK! how many months have I been saying that we need to get some good pictures at this wedding? and you keep it long this entire time and a week before the wedding you get too hot.
kenny: i know we need some new pictures. we’ll get some.
me: no we won’t. because we cannot possibly have cute pictures with your hair hacked off like that.
kenny: it doesn’t look that bad?
me: well it doesn’t look that good. you don’t even look like yourself.
kenny: Yes i do? how can i not look like myself.
me: you know I like your hair longer and spikey. when was the last time we took a good picture? like two years ago?
kenny: oh, get over it.
me: I can’t believe you did this to me.
After we got that out of the way, I brushed the cookie crumbs off my sweatshirt and referenced how I seriously need to start working out. Kenny talked about another girl that he isn’t dating, but if he was dating anyone right now, it might be her.
Check out more of the Kenny Chronicles:
How to talk yourself out of dating almost anyone
I can relate to his situation. ChKenny (I hope my html skills work still) sounds a lot like me when I describe girls I’m not dating to my female friends that tend to ask too many questions.
Either way, the hair cut is inexcusable. I’m sure he heard about it for a while.
My html skills fail. I apologize for the “ChKenny”, it was meant to have the Ch with a strike through it.
your silly posts always make me smile…:)
Funny!
haha, no brandon, your HTML skillz pretty much SUCK!
aw rach…. i do it if only to see a smile on your face. hah.
Blow me!Ugh, they changed the html tag on me. I hate the internet sometimes.
well lets think about how to make the most of this situation. If it is a buzz cut then get him to wear a white suit with white shoes. carry a box of chocolates and walk around saying to people, ”my mama said life is a box of chocolates”. hehe at least in years to come you would then be able to at least say ”he had a head injury that year and thought he was forrest gump”.
susi, information that would have been useful to me YESTERDAY! actually, last summer, but i do love quoting the Wedding Singer.
[...] A Conversation at Starbucks [...]
[...] A Conversation at Starbucks [...]
[...] A Conversation at Starbucks [...]
[...] the Kenny Chronicles, please check out: How to talk yourself out of dating almost anyone, A conversation at Starbucks, Black Friday, depression, and a Salvation Army chair, A bad gordita and some classy [...]