WARNING: I’m going to have to ask that no matter how innocent and beautifully honest this blog may be, that you don’t fondle, grope, caress, or touch it inappropriately in any way – even if it is the blog of your dreams
BREAKING NEWS: Prince Charming was NOT spotted today [or ever for that matter] galloping upon a snow white steed, harboring a large shield for warding off dragons or scary people with guns, while traveling through the enchanted forest to rescue a long- haired, bottle -blond damsel with daddy issues. Sources have revealed that the reason he was not spotted was because he actually does not exist!
[ Cinderella’s response to the shocking news: “You mean I’ve been sweeping up all this soot and ironing my evil stepsisters’ button down shirts and there’s no fricken prince at the end of the tunnel? What kind of CRAP is that?!” ]
Ladies: let’s just get something straight. Prince Charming isn’t around. He jumped the border and he’s headed for Atlantis. To my knowledge he hasn’t even left a close relative or body double to be your shoulder to cry on. He didn’t even leave his snow white stallion around the stables for you to pet. His mother, the Queen of Nonexistent Men, found this note under his pillow:
Dear Completely Delusional Yet Surprisingly Hopeful Women of the Land,
“I feel like a classic fool. [the imaginary Prince is British, of course] I could no longer keep up this silly charade. Blessed Respite! I am nothing but a fake. I’m a big, fat (but very trim), dodgy phony. I don’t have a steed, or a stallion, all I’ve got is an ‘88 Ford Fiesta. I don’t ward off dragons, I run in the face of danger. I run! I am nothing but a yellow- bellied coward, a coward I say! My entire life is a farce, and I am the only one to blame. Except for my mum who is partly to blame.”
Cheers, Prince C.
MORE BREAKING NEWS: We are getting reports of a supposed uproar in Disney World. Snow White has strapped a bomb to her up-do and is threatening to blow up her Happily Ever After Castle (which was to be her wedding gift from King Charming) The Gingerbread man has plummeted head first off Humpty Dumpty’s wall, and Tinkerbell has joined forces with the fairy godmother coalition to spread raging pixie dust wildfires all across the land!
[…] First of all, get over it already. Secondly, if you wanna hear my take on it, here it is. […]
LOL. thats friggen hilarious.
BREAKING NEWS: Prince Charming Leaves Suicide Note Under Tear ……
BREAKING NEWS: Prince Charming was NOT spotted today [or ever for that matter] galloping upon a snow white steed, harboring a large shield for warding off dragons or scary people with guns, while traveling through the enchanted forest ……
I swear I commented on this once before. Since I doubt I will be able to replicate the amazing wit and charm displayed in my original comment, we’ll just all have to imagine what it used to say and praise me for how clever I am.
What chu been drinking, girl? Great imagination.
I don’t think there are many Snow White lying around either if you want to split hairs.
But I don’t doubt that is what most Prince Charmings turn iinto at midnight, or more likely, 7 AM.
brandon, of course you did! its an old post, just decided to resurrect it for awhile. [praises for how clever you are]
paul. drinking? coffee. lots of coffee. with rum. naw, just kidding. not alot of show whites? really? have you checked any houses with dwarves living in them lately? you might find one lying around there in a glass box or something.
A fellow heavy coffee drinker? Excellent.
I think there are dwarves deep in the bowels of the cave. They’re an obnoxious bunch. I’ve never seen them, but they’re always waking me early singing, Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho, it’s off to work we go… and forest animals running through my living room.
But I don’t think there is a Snow White back there. I don’t have a horse anyway.
This is good news. It means less competition for us trolls.
[…] – bookmarked by 4 members originally found by cardonrojo on 2008-12-02 BREAKING NEWS: Prince Charming Leaves Suicide Note Under Tear … […]
..thank you. thank you. I need to let my girlfriend read this..ASAP!
carl.. yes, i think it should be handed out in high school classrooms.