Archive for September, 2008

1. Angelina Jolie: “Most Giving-of-Herself [but not really]-Mom of the Year” Winner!










Why Angelina?  Not only does she have the uncanny ability to woo scorchingly hot men from their equally attractive wives and make it look like an accident, she has Jon Voight as a dad.  She also possesses lips that have secret powers, which have enabled her to save malnutritioned children from all over the world and bring them into an environment of lavishness and priviledge.  Nevermind the fact that she has five nannies to take care of the clan, this is a hands-on mom!  Angelina’s act of selflessness, will no doubt turn each and every one of their innocent, adorable, and once appreciative children into self-indulgent, whiney brats in record time!

2. Victoria Beckam: “Most Vain Person to Gloat in Her Not-So-Impressive Past!” Winner!

Victoria Beckam, is half-famous for marrying the ever-so-hot-and-athletically-delicious David Beckam, and half-famous for being a part of the 90’s two-hit wonder girly band “Spice Girls.”  But why, oh why should you idolize her?  Because there is no one else who could possess such unabashed pride about being formerly called “The Posh Spice.” Because it is not possible for any other women, domestic or abroad, to love herself more than her.  And finally, because she is the only “soccer mom” who can squeeze into preschool girl size clothing with such slutty, yet graceful ease.

3.  Sean -“P.Diddy” -“Puff Daddy” -“Puffy” -“Diddy” -Combs:  “Most Schitzophrenic, Yet Entirely Focused on Infiltrating Every Aspect of Life Artist” Winner!

There is not one solitary celebrity who has edged his way into our lives more than Puffy.  It started out as an innocent tribute to the Notorious B.I.G in the form of a remake of “I’ll be Missing You.”  We all loved it.  We rewound the single over and over on our cassette players and jammed to Diddy’s sentimental, catchy tunes.  If only we knew then, what we know now.  After a failed relationship with J.Lo, Puffy made the life-changing decision that if he couldn’t have her, then no one could he would take over the world.  Slowly, the Sean has slithered so far into our lives that we will never escape him, so we may as well idolize him.  There’s music, a clothing line, a vodka, a plethora of fragrances, a reality show, boxers, WHEEL RIMS, skin care, ties, sunglasses.  … my mom even bought a P.Diddy minivan the other day?!



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