Well, the election is over. And although the world might be coming to an end, I will now be blogging more often. So there’s always a rainbow, my friends, always.
So my best guy friend and I were discussing dating. Not dating each other, but dating in general. He shall remain nameless, but then again, I have remained nameless so the mere naming of my friend would have no meaning to you. So I could technically name him, but I’m still not going to on the off chance you do know who I am and then you might figure it out. But then again, if you do know who I am then you already know who I’m talking about… Well whatever! Can you just stop being so difficult for one second of your life, and let me tell the freakin story!
We often times find ourselves having these kind of conversations in hopes of figuring ourselves out and better understanding our issues so that we may become a beacon of light, a shining example for our gender. Or we do it because we are the only ones who will not judge us for the ridiculous and terribly honest things we say.
First, there’s something you’ve got to understand about my friend. Let’s call him Kenny. Happy now? Well, Kenny once broke up with a girl because of her elbows. And I rejected a guy one time because he was too Italian. And I love Italians, so as you can imagine, this was a tragedy of mass proportion. The point is, we are relationally challenged. We’re very good at talking ourselves out of things using any justification at our disposal, and if there isn’t one available then we just make it up. Most of our conversations resemble reruns of Seinfeld or something of that nature. Get the picture? Of course you do. You’re bright.
So we’re sitting there, discussing our problems and an exchange to the following effect takes place:
me: ok. so, again, why can’t you like her?
ken: well, the personality is great. face is great. everything is great. and I might even say it’d be the real deal if…
me: ….if what?
ken: it weren’t for the gap.
me: what gap?
ken: the teeth gap. can’t get passed it.
me: Ok, so to recap: you’re not going to date this girl, who otherwise might be the one because you can’t get passed the gap?
ken: no, its not just the gap. but thats a big part of it.
me: well that’s good to know. I’m glad it’s not just the gap, but that it’s a whole slew of frivilous things. you’re growing.
ken: i mean, if i could just close it somehow. [holds up his first finger and thumb to form a gap]
me: close it? not gonna happen. and you can’t suggest that. no. NO.
ken: no? but what if….
Check out more of the Kenny Chronicles: