I’m not pointing dirty fingers here. I’m smack dab in the middle of the park. I might even be the Queen of the park. For many years, I’ve tried to convince myself why I should stay here. And I’ve often lost. No mountains, no oceans, nothing but miles and miles of corrupted cornfields.
The only thing I can come up with -other than really cheap housing costs – is that it’s the perfect place for an anemophobiac (one who fears natural diasters) because nothing ever happens here. It’s almost as if Illinois has scared natural diasters away with it’s white trashiness and corruption. It’s pretty sad when you can scare away a natural diaster.
Really, as Illinoians, we have nothing else going for ourselves. We unashamedly claim to have one of the most corrupt states in the Union, and quite possibly the dumbest. We elected a governor like Rod Capone Blagojevich, who while staring the cold, harsh reality of a lifetime in the slammer and a boyfriend named Chuck straight in the eyes, concerns himself with trying to appoint people to the Senate. What’s worse is that it might even work. Our educational system is so piss-poor that drop-out statistics don’t even apply to us because people are actually better off enrolling in the school of life than they are in one of our public schools. The unions are the new mob and have taken over every aspect of the state. You can’t sneeze without signing a waiver that you will blindly vote every Democrat into office for the rest of your meager existence, which will probably be a long time considering you can rule out natural diasters as a possible death option..
Oh, but we do have Oprah. I almost forgot about that. And lots of gangs.
*photoshoping compliments of the Elephant, of course. By the way, Who’s the Elephant?