I’m not pointing dirty fingers here. I’m smack dab in the middle of the park. I might even be the Queen of the park. For many years, I’ve tried to convince myself why I should stay here. And I’ve often lost. No mountains, no oceans, nothing but miles and miles of corrupted cornfields.
- Rod Capone Blagojevich
The only thing I can come up with -other than really cheap housing costs – is that it’s the perfect place for an anemophobiac (one who fears natural diasters) because nothing ever happens here. It’s almost as if Illinois has scared natural diasters away with it’s white trashiness and corruption. It’s pretty sad when you can scare away a natural diaster.
Really, as Illinoians, we have nothing else going for ourselves. We unashamedly claim to have one of the most corrupt states in the Union, and quite possibly the dumbest. We elected a governor like Rod Capone Blagojevich, who while staring the cold, harsh reality of a lifetime in the slammer and a boyfriend named Chuck straight in the eyes, concerns himself with trying to appoint people to the Senate. What’s worse is that it might even work. Our educational system is so piss-poor that drop-out statistics don’t even apply to us because people are actually better off enrolling in the school of life than they are in one of our public schools. The unions are the new mob and have taken over every aspect of the state. You can’t sneeze without signing a waiver that you will blindly vote every Democrat into office for the rest of your meager existence, which will probably be a long time considering you can rule out natural diasters as a possible death option..
Oh, but we do have Oprah. I almost forgot about that. And lots of gangs.
*photoshoping compliments of the Elephant, of course. By the way, Who’s the Elephant?
You know, you could just move to Wisconsin. Not only are we not a complete waste of space (ignore the northern half of our state… well, and the western half too. So really, just focus on the south-east part of it), but we have so much to offer. Like me.
Oh, aside from me, we also have skiing (you know, because we’re not flat landers like you Illinois folks), but also amazing things like Summerfest. And of course, the south-eastern part of Wisconsin is close enough to Chicago that you’re able to visit the only worthwhile part of Illinois whenever necessary.
But whatever you do, don’t move to Beloit. Well, unless you actually like the trailer park aspect of life.
brandon, its good to have you back. my blog has been oh so lonely these days. Do you do this on purpose, so i will have to throw a fit and beg you back or what??! Anyway, the only place i can think of worse to live… would be wisconsin.
It was completely unintentional, I swear. Although I do love the begging….
well, i must say that i share your sentiments about IL completely. chicago aside, the job markets out by rkfd area (unless you are a mildly successful private contractor, someone who works in IT from the comfort of your parent’s basement, or do admin work for a dr, dentist, lawyer, OR have the hook up with a job via friends or family, etc – i’ll stop now) iis dismal. What do you be when you grow up besides a school bus driver or sell shoes at a dept. store? All of these are perfectly acceptable ways to make a living, btw, but none of them appealed to me since I don’t want to wind up dirt poor forever with ragamuffin kids. The houses ae cheaper in that market but there are few areas all that appealing anymore.
and as for WI, I have to say this because I lived there for almost 3 years too and I believe it to be worse because the weather is worse, the people have fewer teeth and everyone drives a truck as a second job or has at some point (nothing wrong with these vocations, HOWEVER I am not trucker material. Not now, not ever.
So anyway, Brit, visit me in the dirty dirty south anytime and I can guarantee rednecks and good old boys galore along with plenty of hillbilly-ish types BUT the ATL is still at least growing marginally and ppl continue to move here for jobs/business since the south is so far behind the north in terms of art, food, style, etc. Wow I sound really cranky but yes it is true, at least in my preception of the southern reality i live every day. But honestly if you don’t mind helping advance the south into the new century via hard work and a semi-culture revolution (and enjoy the milder weather, of course) you should move! but the schools aren’t that great here either I gotta warn you. and ATL traffic sux but no worse than chicago and no closed I90 for ice storms for the greater part of the winter. 🙂
off my soapbox and enjoying your blog immensely today (I’m off work with restless energy)
yes, yes jo, all the states up here suck. this whole tristate area. i like your soapbox. its cute and color coordinated. you should bring it out more often. well i hope the sucky job situation doesn’t spread down there as your text indicated! that would suck.
well I was having an ultra-responsible perfection driven melt down that I have since been cured since the ephiphany brought on by way of a swift kick in the pants from the people who mean the most to me right now (surprisingly these people are not who you would assume would matter most, usually, but under said circumstances Im glad that I have priorities set for me by others even if said priorities are a bit (OMG the sky is FALLING) out of wack in my little mind. what do I know? as long as I’m taken care of I’ll march to the beat of the drummer but as soon as that beat changes or I can’t.handle.drummer I am freaking out. This explains text earlier but I have since been informed that my little corner of the world, dysfunctional as it may often seem, is still my little corner of chaos. I am grateful. (I promise…) or maybe I am the wacky one. But hey, as long as I’m part of the solution as opposed to the problem I’m so freaking good. 🙂
my darling, if you should get the axe, pardon the blunt delivery, rest assured you will move on to bigger and better things. Besides, Obama is in office now so come january 20th the sky will part and all the world will be at peace (and I will no longer experience occasional breakouts). Just hope your job holds out til then. If not, he will extend unemployment benefits til the end of time, so either way you are good! 😉 sorry, my pep talks aren’t quite as refined as i’d hoped