[OR The Secret to Financial Freedom]
When all you do is write for a living, you become a hermit by default. When I say hermit, I mean that I’m skeptical as to whether or not my car will even start due to how long it’s been sitting in my garage. Between the endless writing and working on my new business [which I hope to launch in the Spring but will not announce because as soon as there is a deadline I will crack under the pressure that only I have imposed upon myself] I have no choice but to sit in front of a computer all day, unshowered and in sweats.
It’s really okay though, for I have found the secret to financial freedom is in not going anywhere. It’s 99.2% affective that you will not spend money if you don’t leave your house. I say 99.2% because there are those of you out there who will find ways to scam the system and buy things via the internet or Home Shopping Network. In which case, you are a lost cause anyway because you are attracted to things like Snuggies (or as the YouTube video below refers to them – the WTF blanket) and ShamWows. There is no hope of you ever saving money when you buy crap like that. Enjoy your lifetime of financial ruin.
Today, I reached the breaking point; the point at which I had no choice but to leave the “den” as my friends lovingly refer to it. And I say lovingly because they too LOVE the den. There’s something magical about my room that forces people to be lazy, maybe it’s the fact that I allow nothing other than ambient lighting. In fact, I don’t think any of my friends have sat on my couch. As soon as they enter the door, they head straight for the bed, where they can be assured to view mindless daytime TV, feast on an assortment of leftover holiday chocolates conventiently located on the nightstand, and check this blog from my laptop to see how I embarrassed them recently. When you enter my life as an acquaintance or luckier yet a friend, you run the risk of me publicizing your life in any way I see fit. And usually, the way I see fit is to make a mockery out of it. OK. Will you stop distracting me? Anyway, today I realized that I’d eaten everything in my fridge except a very questionable rotten pomegranite and some Ferro Rocher’s in the shape of a Christmas Tree. I had to leave.
So I went to the grocery store and just as I suspected, I spent money. If I would have just stuck to my plan I’d still be on top of the game. So now that I have offically conducted a double blind experiement of my hypothesis, I will be re-writing this cost saving plan into an e-book, which will be available for purchase on my website.
I thought you had a boyfriend. Put. Him. To. Use.
1. Will you be hiring for this new business? If so, I have a resume for you…
2. I seriously want a shamwow after reading this: http://skepchick.org/blog/?p=5490
Because for real? I find shamwows more useful than say, sham religions. (ba-bum-bum)
Enna. OH Enna. YOu are going to be my head of marketing. because with jokes like that, people will stick around just for the laughs.
brandon. haha. I DO! he usually goes to the store for me so I don’t ever have to venture out.
Is it just me, or do the people in the Snuggie ad look like they all belong to some eastern mystic cult?
And I want the Sham Wow. I really do.
haha. they do! Welcome flea! I gotta say, that guy on the Shamwow commerical is very convincing and hilarious. In fact, my mom told me to buy some for xmas presents, because if you buy one you get like 18 free. she said i’d be all set.
Snuggies? in Australia Snuggies are a brand of baby diapers…hehe so when i started reading your post i was thinking ” people in the US buy diapers from the home shopping network?”. My question in regards to this WTF Blanket… what if you were laying on the couch reading books…(read: blogging and reading other blogs) for hours on end but you were totally busting to go to the little bloggers room…and you know how you get to that point when you cannot wait any longer and HAVE to go.. and you get up in a rush and get all tangled in your Snuggies and fall over… (not that its happened to me or anything……………………………..)that would be a lawsuit waiting to happen. i bet any money someone will eventually sue for occupational health and safety breaches. hehe. its worrying that my mind can think of so many get rich quick scams… vveerrry worrying.
yes, susi, we have snuggie diapers here too, but we also have the snuggie blanket. it’s unfortunate. but Americans will buy just about anything that is on a late night tv commercial as long as it offers a second one for free
Love the Shamwow guy, I don’t what it is that he has but it works. I keep missing the 20 minute window for the deal though. I don’t blame them because they can’t offer something like that all the time. They would lose money at that price.
i’m pretty sure you can find the same deal on the internet at any time, or soon to be in a gas station near you. dear michael
http://mikearney01.wordpress.com/2009/01/26/the-snuggie/
this guy posted about snuggie too…. i iz suspectin dat there iz some copying about your post here missy… hehe
its just out of interest!
susi… well that sumofabeotch! i wrote this on sunday – how dare he!
the ShamWow.
I want to punch that guy in the neck.
He brings out something primal in me.
He better hope he never meets me in a dark alley, near some spilled soda, oil, or lipstick stains, or I’ll use HIM to mop up the mess. RRrreeeowWWW!!!
haha. im with you pinky. and now he’s like on every infomercial? what the? “i don’t know, it sells itself.”
I so dislike the Snuggie.
However, Ferro Rocher’s = best candy ever.
seriously julie.. i ate the entire plastic xmas tree full of them in one sitting. delish
hermit by default. okay, so it’s not just me. but sometimes i feel a little nutsy, not talking to anyone for hours and just typing on my laptop. 😉
maria… i know what you mean, i feel like i’m slowly closing off the world. but i have no choice, its my job now and plus, like i said, i don’t spend money if i don’t leave.