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Well, it’s one month shy of my first post here at The Daily Elephant.   I would like to say a big thank you to all of you out there who actually take time out of your extremely busy lives [or so you say..] to read about my ridiculous life.  It has been my pleasure to get to know you all.  As much as I’ve loved my big, oversized, wrinkly elephant skin, – I need some space to breathe.  You know how I get restless.

The time has come to announce my new website, and I thank you for your patience.  Oh wait, you were a bunch of crazy LUNATICS continually griping in my ear everyday. 

I want you to know that in this era of social networking, twittering, and myspacing that YOU are the first ones to know about this wonderous new development.  And let me tell you something, you better come visit me cus that blog is nekkid!!!  And no,  it’s not the kind of nekkid you’d be excited about.   I spend countless hours copying some of my favorite blogs onto the new website so it wouldn’t be empty and now there are ZERO comments.  It’s as if I have the most hated blog on the planet.  Boo hoo.  First one to comment wins… uh… my heart

We all know that I’m challenged when it comes to things like choosing names, significant others, or things from the dollar menu.  So you can IMAGINE the heartache I suffered over the name of my new website.  Afterall, I’m pretty hard to please and I’d like to be happy with this for more than a year.  So I thought long and hard about the general nature of my blogs and conversations with friends.  And one thing kept coming to mind- I’m very direct.  And I like it that way.  And I like others to be that way with me.   So I present to you my new website, designed by yours truly:

blunt-delivery-2

***FAVOR:  All of you that have The Daily Elephant listed on your blog roll, could you pretty pretty please change that to bluntdelivery.com???  I will love you forever.

And just for that, I have some fabulous new blogs for you right at the top of the pile, including: 

A Post-it Would Have Been Better

Middle School Misfortune

Nitemare on Ex Street

I Dated A Slumdog Millionaire

Not to mention that there is now a picture up of Kenny and I from the actual night in question from my post The Kenny Chronicles: How We Met

BOO-YA!  Told you I’d have it up by today.  There’s all sorts of new things for you to feast your eyes on, so you’ll have to look through the categories.  I am also introducing THE SKINNY, which is where I’ll be telling you the deal about products, websites, and things that will either revolutionize or destroy your life.

See ya around kids.

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annoyedI have an announcement to make:  you are all really starting to annoy me.  A hefty amount of you would have qualified to be the featured blogger, but you failed miserably to comment on all four posts.  Three, yes.  Three you could do, but four?  That’s where you lost your mind.  I only show you tough love, because I care, and I want to feature your blog.  But if you don’t want me to feature you, then whatever, I never liked you or your stupid blog anyway. 

Well, I’m happy to announce there is one strapping young lad that managed to comment properly on all blogs written this week and for that matter, every previous week since the beginning of my blogging career.  And that lad’s name is Whitty Diatribes.    Think of him as the male version of me, except a bit more brutal.  He recently gave up his lifelong struggle against starting a blog, and now has his very own, shiny new blog.

Some posts to check out:

Men Aren’t The Only Ones Who Need Advice

Public Service Announcement: You’re a Tool

Don’t make me come to your house, hose you down with cold water, and force you to watch Crossroads over and over again.  Pay your blogging friend a visit.

IMPORTANT BLOG NEWS:  I am hoping that I will have my spankin new website up by the end of this week.  WARNING:  I will no longer be the daily elephant, as previously mentioned, I cannot get the dot com.  I am almost positive that when it switches over, this blog will automatically be redirected to my new URL, but if not you know I’ll keep ya posted.  It is a PAIN starting over, but it has to be done.  I’m copying some of my favorite posts to the new site, so it won’t be naked. 

 You’re not going to abandon me because of this, are you?

Want more blog traffic?  Let me feature you

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It just so happens that I will be introducing you to a fine, young new blog on this very historical nightmare of a day.   A big thank you to everyone who participated… but the winner of this week’s featured blog contest is:

Woman In Black

Here are a couple of her finest works to put you in the lovey dovey spirit of this wonderful day!

Why women love bastards – and how you can be one

National Carrot Day!  Celebrate with my vegetable porn

I’m sure you can tell by the titles of these posts that Woman in Black is my kind of lady, except the British version.   Yes, she is your new favorite Euro-blogger.  I truly fell in love with her when she left me this comment on my What Not To Buy For Valentine’s Day  post:

valentines-day-gift“The real St. Valentine was caught assisting Christians, taken prisoner, beaten with clubs, and finally beheaded. And if that isn’t romance enough for you, I’m not sure what is.”

Spoken like a true cynical genius.

So don’t be a dodgy blogging friend and go pay her a bloody visit cus she is as awesome as the foil chocolate rose and that giant stuffed red thing someone just gave you.

 Cheers! 

Want more blog traffic –  let me feature you!

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Senseless Jewels!

winnerKids, I want you to break off a piece of my shag rug, form a circle, and listen carefully to the words I’m about to say.   I’d like to introduce you to Julie of Senseless Jewels, winner of my featured blog contest.   If loving Julie is wrong, then you don’t wanna be right because this is one blog you’re going to love.  Now, now everyone, be good blogging friends and pay her a visit.

Check out a few of my favorite posts:

They’re Baaaack  

A Hypothesis, Experiment, and Conclusion

p.s.  I know that I just said Julie is the next best thing since grated parmesan, but don’t ever make Julie the winner of anything.   She is a BAD blog contest winner and did not tell me her her favorite posts, so I took it upon myself to list my favorites.   But that’s the elephant for you, always stepping up to the plate. 

This week’s contest starts today, so leave some comment love.

Need more blog traffic?

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Please keep in mind that I sold my only quasi-useable camera on Ebay recently.  And please keep in mind that I took these pictures with my the ancient Polaroid digital that my dad bought me in Italy in order to dry up the river of tears that I shed when I was standing in front of the Colloseum and my camera just decided to break.  So this camera’s been all over the world and back, and I’m surprised it still turned on. 

I want to thank all of you that participated in the contest this week.  I compiled all of the names of those who qualified and although I didn’t have a hat, I did fold them up and put them in a Victoria Secret shopping bag. 

blogging-contest-winner

Then, in a very scientific manner, I sent them off to the accounting firm Pricewaterhouse Coopers, where they drew a name.  And the winner is….

blogging-contest 

Julie, please email me at info@wordsbybrit and let me know if there are any posts you would like me to highlight.. I’ll feature your blog tomorrow.

This blog has officially moved to: bluntdelivery.com

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ATTENTION: If you want me to feature your blog Saturday, then this is your last chance to enter for this week.  You must have left a comment on each of my posts since last friday (not including this one), which include:

Want more blog traffic?

Superbowl Psychoanalysis: the yellow team won

The Kenny Chronicles: A metrosexual and a Yankees hat

What women really want

the-daily-elephant-contest2The deadline is friday night 10:00 central time, cus that’s where I’m at baby.   I will draw names from a hat (not Kenny’s hat) and then contact you sometime after that.   And since you won’t believe me, I will even take pictures of myself drawing names and somehow turn it into a lame blog post.   Man, I make things so easy for you.  Plus I’m handing out reminders… what am I your mom?  what am I an elementary school teacher?  

What’s next, a glass of milk and a nilla wafer?

Did I even mention what’s at stake?  You get to put this cool thing on your website if you want.  $%^&@!

 

this blog has officially moved to: www.bluntdelivery.com

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blog-trafficEveryone’s favorite elephant is implementing a new service to her readers.  Yes, you heard correctly, there’s no pumping gas here -this is a full service blog.  

Because there are so many of you out there with painfully hip, wonderfully hilarious, and depressingly heartfelt blogs, I would like people to get to know you.    Instead of me just choosing blogs that I like that featuring them  (which would tend to be the same kind of blog over and over)  I am opening it up to anyone who reads this blog.

What do you have to do?  Dahling, all you have to do is leave a comment on each blog post the elephant writes for that week.  You don’t have to leave one the same day that I make the post, just at some point within the week.  Which, given the laziness levels around here, the posts most likely won’t be everyday.  This is also something you should get in the habit of doing because anytime you leave a link to your site on another blog, you help your search engine ranking.  The contest will run friday to friday.  Then I will randomnly select a name from all of those who qualify.  I will then contact you and let you know so you can give me links to posts you would like highlighted. 

Then I will convince the world that you have the greatest blog known to man.  Everyone will visit you and you will blow up like the next Oprah.  Literally.  No.   That was mean.

This contest starts today!

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