Posts Tagged ‘a bankers life’

[Here is a recent conversation between a Mr. X (we’ll call him Mr. X to protect privacy, but i’ll just tell you it’s pronounced boo-ty) and myself]

Mr. X: “yes, I’d like to reset my pin for my debit card, please.”

Me: “Sure, what would you like your pin to be?”

Mr. X: “B87754RH8”

Me: “Ok, sir, this is a pin number.  It can only be four numbers.”

Mr. X: “Ok.  just make it B877 then.”

Me: “No. I can’t do that.  It’s a pin NUMBER.  it has to be four numbers.  just like the last pin you had.”

Mr. X: “oh.  well, just keep it the same as I had before then.”

Me: “well, I can’t see what you had before.  I already deleted it.  You’ll just have to pick one.”

Mr. X: “Ok.   just make it the last four of my social.”

Me: “we do suggest for security reasons that you don’t use any personal information…”

Mr. X:  “oh. sure. ok.  how about 1959.  i’ll remember that.  its the year i was born.”

Me: “well, technically that wouldn’t be very secuuu.. actually, you know what?   that is a great idea.”

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so i’m waiting for the elevator to pick me up.

holding my cell phone and a tupperware of soup. 

I decided that although I only have a mere half hour lunch, it’s better to spend it outside than in my cubicle.  that way, at least when people say “wow, have you ever seen such a beautiful day?!”  i won’t have to respond with “i have no clue what you’re talking about, for all i know, we just had another monsoon out there.” 

Finally, the door opens. 

much to my surprise, there is a middle-aged man facing me in the kind-of-scary, very 70’s elevator.  I walk in, glance at the buttons, and turn to face the door.  while i’m standing there, i look at the ceiling and spot the far too outdated inspection permit. 

now, i’m not an expert on identifying what accents correspond with what ethnicities, etc.  so i’ll just tell you that i have no idea where this guy was from, and i was very confused. 


elevator guy: (glances at my soup) “lunch huh?”

me: (glances at soup) “yup.”

total and utter silence

silence so severe that for the first time, i wished there were elevator music to listen to.

silence so silent that i could hear children being born in the Czech Republic.

elevator guy: “well, ya gotta have it.”

me: (not sure how to respond to the most obvious statement of all time) “yup.”

elevator guy:  “its one of those things.”

me: “wow, look at that. this elevator hasn’t been inspected since 1988.”

[end elevator ride]

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As previously stated –or not, unlike politicians or car salesmen, I try not to make any big promises.  So when I say this blog is mostly about relationships, clearly, I mean that its about 50% relationships, 50% random crap.    So in regards to the 50% random crap… insert topic [  work  ].

Being a banker provides me with endless entertainment and comic relief.  This whole stimulus check thing has increased the amount of entertainment I enjoy on any given day.  I will now share two recent examples with the whole class:

1.  Having people with emails such as: Too_good_4yoAss or FineLeGz34  or DontYOUwish calling three  OR four times a day asking:


 FineLeGz: “Um, yeeeaaaaa, I just need to know, did Bush put that money in my account yet?” 

 Me: siiiiiiiigh.  Pause.  “account number?”


 ..And I can tell they feel partly ashamed that they’re asking me since they’ve called last 24 days in a row.  And they know that I know their voice.  So the next time they call they try to modify it so I won’t catch on.  But don’t worry, I make sure they know I’m on to them.  Some attempts at modifications have included: 


A.) Too_Good: “yea, I was wondering if  you could check the past couple weeks and see if I got any deposits- say around 300 or 600 dollars?” 


Me: “oh, ok. so you’re checking on your stimulus payment?


B.) FineLeGz:  “I’m expecting a direct deposit to my account, can you tell me did I get anything in?” 

Me: “oh, for your payroll?” 

FineLeGz: “no i think it should be from the government or something.” 

Me: “oh, for social security?”

FineLeGz:  “no, i think there should be some kind a refund in there or something.”

Me: “oh, ok. So you’re checking on your stimulus payment?”

FineLeGz: “yea i guess.  whatever that is.”  (acting like its no big deal)


C.) DontYOUwish: “yea I  just need you to see if i got my stimulation yet?  i was trying to use the ultimatum (intending to say “automated” as in the telephone banking system) and it wasn’t letting me through.”


Me: [thinking, but not saying: “maam, i don’t want to discuss your sex life.” 



2. My second favorite kind of call is from the elderly white ladies who call the first day of EVERY month to make sure their social security was deposited in their account- and even though it is the EXACT same amount every month, they still ask how much it was.  Their conversations usually start like this:


Elderly lady: (no hello, no introduction) “I just want to say that I’m in America, I should not have to press 1 for English, you know.” 


Me: pause.  sure.  Account number?” 


Elderly lady: (hoping that they can irritate me enough so that they can strike up an argument) “well I’m just saying, I shouldn’t have to press 1, this is an English speaking country, you know?” 


Me: “yes. Yes, I know we’re in America.  Account number?”


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