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Posts Tagged ‘babies’

alfie-patten-and-chantelle-baby-moiseTHIS BLOG HAS MOVED TO www.bluntdelivery.com

HOLD. THE. PHONE. I usually don’t report news, but I have no choice but to interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you quite possibly the most disturbing, yet hilarious news you’ve heard all year.  I’d like you to meet Alfie Patten, a strapping young 13 yr. old British lad and his new baby, Maisie.  Alfie stands 4 ft tall, and when asked how he and his girlfriend would afford the baby he told The Sun, “I thought it would be good to have a baby.  We didn’t really think about how we would afford it.  I don’t really get pocket money (allowance).  My dad sometimes gives me ten bucks.”

Alfie’s dad, who sold these pictures to The Sun, says that “Alfie could have shrugged his shoulders and sat at home on his Playstation, but he’s been at the hospital every day.”   Well, sounds like he’s shaping up to become dad of the year! The baby is living with Chantelle, Alfie’s 15 yr. old girlfriend (he’s quite the ladies man) and her family of six, currently being supported by the government.  BONUS:  Alfie is allowed to “stay the night.”

Check the full article for pictures of Alfie and his girlfriend, or if you don’t believe me.  Because I almost didn’t.

Photo courtesy of  thesun.co.uk

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My living room finally makes sense again.  I woke up two days ago to find a crusty english muffin at my bedside and snow on the ground.  As soon as I discovered this, I lept to the window and spread my curtains wide open to let in all the winter wonderlandish-ness.   I was elated at this fact because not only am I in LOVE with snow, but I’ve also had my Christmas tree up since about this time last year.  It gets to the point where you’ve waited so long to take it down, that it would be more sense just to leave it up.  I find myself in that predicament about once a year.

dead-santa

Speaking of the holidays, wait, were we?  Either way, I’d like to speak of the holidays.  I am a bit of a holiday freak.  When I say “holidays”  I’m not so much referring to Thanksgiving or Halloween or Easter or Canadian boxing day, pretty much just Christmas.  In fact, the only thing that pisses me off about the “holidays” is that they end.  In a perfect world, we would all co-exist in a constant state of holiday amazingness. 

I have alot against Thanksgiving:  1. its pointless.  2. nobody thanks anyone for anything.  3.  turkeys are a hassle.  4.  it takes up an entire month of what could be Christmas decorations and fills them with ridiculous things like cornucopias and corn stalks.   That being said, I’d like to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. 

Let me tell you how I spent my Thanksgiving eve: watching my best friend give birth. … well, first let me tell you how paranoid I am of having children (I think its equal parts the committment issue and the pain issue).  Anyhow, any shred of hope I had about having a child has been effectually lost after what I witnessed yesterday.  I had a feeling this would happen, but she’s my best friend and wanted me in there for comic relief.  So I told her stories (threw in a few Kenny Chronicles) and had all the nurses cracking up.  This continued all day and into the night, until forming my new favorite phrase to live by: “adoption- the painfree option.”

no-pain

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