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Posts Tagged ‘celebrities’

I admit, I did watch the Oscars last night.  I also admit that I didn’t really pay attention since I was working on my website… but you know that you can still rely on me to bring you those diamonds in the rough, those few and far between moments, where someone got totally made fun of in an inappropriate way.   And here we have Ben Stiller ripping apart Joaquin Phoenix and making fun of his appearance on David Letterman.  [if you haven’t seen this yet, scroll down about 3 blogs and you’ll find it]   He even took out his gum and put it on the podium.  …Ugh, priceless.  

 

 

 

Then, we have my new hero, Steve Martin.  As if I didn’t love him enough already, he and Tina Fey single handedly offended half of the celebrities at the Oscars by making fun of Scientology.   Hopefully Tom Cruise wasn’t there, or his head might have exploded.

 

 

 

 

this blog has officially moved to: www.bluntdelivery.com

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young Tony Da-a-anza…

elton-john-tiny-dancer1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This moment brought you by your favorite friend, Phoebe Buffet:

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fools-gold-movie-poster1BREAKING NEWS:  2009 Oscar Nominations have been released. 

I was really, I mean REALLY shocked that Fool’s Gold didn’t get an Oscar nod  (or at least a handshake) for best picture.  The sheer realism alone of that movie was something to behold.  The cinematography, the writing… just everything.   And in a twist of romantic comedy fate, Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey were reunited in yet another seat-of-your-pants thriller that involves a divorced couple searching for hidden treasure.  

And if you think you can guess the ending to this movie, you are sorely mistaken.  This is no Vanilla Sky. 

If you haven’t seen it yet, then I urge you to run – not walk – to your local movie rental store where it’s on clearance, loitering somewhere near the bottom shelf, next to the Milk Duds and ungoldly overpriced tubs of microwave popcorn. 

When you can finally get over the shocking disappointment of this breaking news, you can see the full list of 2009 Oscar nominees  by going here.

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Aretha Franklin definately commanded some respect for her hat and for her performance of the national anthem at the Presidential Inauguration. 

 

aretha-franklins-hat-inauguration

 

Unfortunately, it commanded so much respect that Obama had to bring some of the attention back on himself.

 aretha-franklins-hat-inauguration-obama2

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leonardo-dicaprio-growing-pains-kurt-cameron

 

After all these years. 

After all the pain we’ve been through

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

titanic-rose-and-jack1

 

After waiting in obscene lines with hundreds of other equally pathetic women only to watch Titanic for the tenth time, thinking that somehow this time Rose might not be such a stingy lovestruck maiden and would let you hop on that raft for a just couple seconds to escape a watery death.

 

 

 

leonardo-dicaprio-and-gisele-bunchen

 

 

After all the times I’ve turned a blind eye as you’ve blatently cheated on me with many an anorexic  model from various continents.

 

 

 

 

 

leonardo-dicaprio-environmentalist

 

 

After all of this, I want you to know that I don’t just love you for the fact that you are trying to single-handedly save the planet one recyclable grocery bag at a time.

 

I love you in spite of that.

Environmentally unconsciously yours,

the elephant

 

 

p.s  Is it bad if  I leave all the lights on in my house while I drive around in my Suburban and chuck plastic water bottles out the window for fun?

By the way, Who’s the Elephant?

 www.wordsbybrit.com

 

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[ I’ve received thousands of searches for this blog lately, so I’m just sticking it back on top of the pile to make life easier…notsomuch for me, but for you.]

 I’m now going to ask for your undivided attention.  not ask, command, with all the power of Dr. Phil’s mustache.  what I have to say could quite possibly change the course of your life OR history as we know it.  The words that are about to come out of my mouth are almost as delicious as the Wendy’s cheesy bacon potato i am currently enjoying, and you are not.  unless, are you?  I noticed it disappearing more rapidly than expected. 

So, i beg of you to please turn down whatever grossly pathetic show i can only imagine that you are watching, stop thinking about how you can quit your day job and somehow support yourself entirely off of blogging,  push off your TaeBo tape for one more day because at this point it’s a lost cause, and FOCUS on me!  Gosh,  the way you’re acting, you’d think we’ve been married for 85 years.

Madonna. 

i thought you retired?  what’s with the spread eagle?  and the street walker thigh highs? and the heavyweight belt?  and the gaping mouth?  are you panting because you just had a hot flash?  by the way, you’re FIFTY. 

      

  

      

 

The Spice Girls.                       No, i don’t wanna be your lover.   not in the 90’s, not now, not ever. 

 

The Osmonds.  Help!  It’s been decades since anyone has heard from the Osmonds, but suddenly they have taken over the world!

 

First it’s Marie prancing, dancing, and

fainting all over Dancing With the Stars.

 

 

 

  

 

 Then, in a random twist of

fate, Donny infiltrates the set

of Entertainment Tonight.  

 

 

  

 

Then, the world’s largest singing

mormon family is reunited

again under one roof.

 

 

 

Britney Spears’ Hair.

It’s been a very interesting year for your hair Britney.  Quite the page turner.

We’ve laughed.  we’ve cried.

 we’ve shrieked in horror.  but all in all, we miss it. 

please come back!

New Kids on the Block.   What exactly is happening here?  There is nothing more shameless than a bunch of middle aged men trying to re-live their past..  it’s more than just shameless, it might just be the shameLIEST.

newkidsnew_kids_on_the_block

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I know things are tough right now.  We’re all struggling.  Unemployment is rising.  Wages are falling.  Social Security is depleting.  We are facing a monumental election in which 50% of us are  guaranteed to be disappointed with the outcome….

So during this tumoltuous time, I would like to utilize this moment to say some encouraging words to you all.  I’m more than just a strikingly gorgeous face and some light comic relief on a friday night, you know.

Wait, what was that?  How do you know I’m strikingly gorgeous since I never post pictures of myself?  What kind of crap question is that?  Well, if you can’t just take my word for it then it’s time we stop this charade and end this here and now.

Anyway, I’d just wanted to remind you all that even though it may seem that the world is crumbling around you, at least your nose is still in tact.  And that, my friends, is not a luxury we all enjoy.

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