Posts Tagged ‘elderly’

A Bankers Life: Too Much Information

I had a dream – well, I should say nightmare – that I’d abandoned you all for a few days… no hellos, no comments, no posts…  it was so desolate that one could see tumbleweeds blowing across the computer monitor.  Suddenly, I awoke to find that my dream was in fact, a reality! 

I have no excuses in my back pocket as to why I’ve been absent this week.  Except for the fact that I’ve been writing like a slave and was asked by the Editor to fill in for someone who was gone last night and couldn’t do their full show recap… and also tonight (on top of the live feeds I already have to recap).  Therefore, in about 20 minutes I’ll be watching the Finale of Celebrity Circus (to which my response was “what the H is that?”) and then writing a blog about it… since today is the first time I’ve even heard of the show.  We’ll see how that goes.

As time is of the effervescent essence, I will leave you with a short conversation I had today with a very elderly lady.  elderly, mind you.

lady: “hi.  I had you cancel my debit card a couple days ago.  Can you turn it back on?”

me: “no, once it’s cancelled, it’s cancelled.  Sorry.”

lady: “oh, really?  thats too bad, cus I found it.”

me: “oh, yea.  that is too bad.”

lady: “well i feel so silly.  you’ll never believe what happened.  i just can’t believe it.”

me: “oh.”


lady: “you know how when you’re at the bar you put your credit card in your boob?  well, when i got my receipt, i wrapped it around my card and put it in there.  i never saw it since.  but then the other day, the guy came out to change my LifeLine box [for really old people, in case they die or fall and break a hip] and he found it lying behind my dresser!  now isn’t that somethin?”

me:  [lifeline?  you have a Lifeline box and you were going to the bar and wrapping receipts around your boob?]  “huh. that is something.” 

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As previously stated –or not, unlike politicians or car salesmen, I try not to make any big promises.  So when I say this blog is mostly about relationships, clearly, I mean that its about 50% relationships, 50% random crap.    So in regards to the 50% random crap… insert topic [  work  ].

Being a banker provides me with endless entertainment and comic relief.  This whole stimulus check thing has increased the amount of entertainment I enjoy on any given day.  I will now share two recent examples with the whole class:

1.  Having people with emails such as: Too_good_4yoAss or FineLeGz34  or DontYOUwish calling three  OR four times a day asking:


 FineLeGz: “Um, yeeeaaaaa, I just need to know, did Bush put that money in my account yet?” 

 Me: siiiiiiiigh.  Pause.  “account number?”


 ..And I can tell they feel partly ashamed that they’re asking me since they’ve called last 24 days in a row.  And they know that I know their voice.  So the next time they call they try to modify it so I won’t catch on.  But don’t worry, I make sure they know I’m on to them.  Some attempts at modifications have included: 


A.) Too_Good: “yea, I was wondering if  you could check the past couple weeks and see if I got any deposits- say around 300 or 600 dollars?” 


Me: “oh, ok. so you’re checking on your stimulus payment?


B.) FineLeGz:  “I’m expecting a direct deposit to my account, can you tell me did I get anything in?” 

Me: “oh, for your payroll?” 

FineLeGz: “no i think it should be from the government or something.” 

Me: “oh, for social security?”

FineLeGz:  “no, i think there should be some kind a refund in there or something.”

Me: “oh, ok. So you’re checking on your stimulus payment?”

FineLeGz: “yea i guess.  whatever that is.”  (acting like its no big deal)


C.) DontYOUwish: “yea I  just need you to see if i got my stimulation yet?  i was trying to use the ultimatum (intending to say “automated” as in the telephone banking system) and it wasn’t letting me through.”


Me: [thinking, but not saying: “maam, i don’t want to discuss your sex life.” 



2. My second favorite kind of call is from the elderly white ladies who call the first day of EVERY month to make sure their social security was deposited in their account- and even though it is the EXACT same amount every month, they still ask how much it was.  Their conversations usually start like this:


Elderly lady: (no hello, no introduction) “I just want to say that I’m in America, I should not have to press 1 for English, you know.” 


Me: pause.  sure.  Account number?” 


Elderly lady: (hoping that they can irritate me enough so that they can strike up an argument) “well I’m just saying, I shouldn’t have to press 1, this is an English speaking country, you know?” 


Me: “yes. Yes, I know we’re in America.  Account number?”


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