Posts Tagged ‘frustration’

scenario:  man has date.  man decides to bring date to a movie in hopes of getting some make-out action.  man calls to check movie times…


man: (dials 1-800-FANDANGO)


automated FANDANGO lady: Thank you for calling 1-800-FANDANGO, now powered by Lifesearch.  (beep, beep, beep) i’m sorry, i didn’t get that.  if you’re calling from the Netherlands, please press 1, for a different location, press 2.

man: ? but wait, i didn’t even say anything yet.   (presses 2)

lady:  i’m sorry.  i still didn’t hear you.  please breathe if you are calling from the Netherlands.

man: wait, what?

lady:   thank you.  do you have a theater express code?

man:  NO.

lady:  ok.  please say the movie you are looking for in the Netherlands

man:  Spiderman.  but i’m in Orlando.

lady:  (making what sounds to be a chuckle) i’m sorry.  that movie doesn’t exist.  please say your movie again.



man:  SPI-DER-MAN!        

lady:  did you say, Knocked Up?

man:  no. no i didn’t, you stupid wench.     

lady:  ok, i got that.  to hear show times for The English Patient, please press 1.  for another movie, press 2.

man: (presses 2)

lady:  please raise your voice if you want to hear the show times for all foreign films in Seattle.

man: (interrupts) NO, WAIT! GO BACK. IT’S ORLANDO.

lady: (chuckle) i’m sorry, i didn’t get that.

man: Orlando, you crack whore.

lady:  please select an option from the menu.

man: how bout you just give me the movie times you ignorant slut.

lady:  ok, i got that.  (beep, beep)  say YES for directions to the nearest IHOP

man:  listen, you worthless ho. you may think you’re just an anonymous voice on the other end of the phone, but i will hurt you and won’t even bat an eyelash. do you understand what i’m saying?

lady:  (chuckle) i’m sorry, keresotes stopped showing silent films in 1921.

man:  alright. i’m short on time, and i’m willing to make a deal.  you give me the show times; and i in return, won’t rob you of all your joy and happiness. how bout it bastard?

lady: it is currently 14 degrees with a windchill of -2. thank you for calling FANDANGO.

man:  wait!!! don’t hang up! ok, i take back what i said. you’re not a ho. or a crack whore. or an ignorant slut.  only a worthless wench. i beg of you, please!   PLEASE!   i just need to know when Spiderman is playing.  i’ll do anything!  anythiiiiiiiiiiiiing!!!!

 lady:  enjoy the hockey game. goodbye!

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