Posts Tagged ‘OJ convicted’

I do apologize for the turn to Serioustown last week.  It’s a rare occurrence here at The Daily Elephant that I will engage in such serious talk, however, when I feel that the country is standing on the brink of a rather detrimental decision – I have to step in.   But lets get back to what’s really important.


Important lessons learned from the life of OJ:


  1. You may slice and dice your wife in a fit of vicious rage, leave bloody evidence all over, and the judicial system will turn a blind eye.  Because hey, jealously happens.
  2.  You may also kill your wife’s lover during said vicious rage.  Again, because why wouldn’t you?
  3. Time to get in touch with your artsy side!  After the frenzy regarding these murders has finally passed, and the spotlight of interrogation is no longer over you, be sure to rub it in everyone’s face that you feel no remorse about what you’ve done.  I suggest perhaps writing a book describing in gruesome detail how you would have “actually killed them.”  That’ll fool em.
  4. When the attention dies down from the book release – which might just infuriate people as opposed to prove your innocence- it will be time to commit another crime! 
  5. Commit several scattered crimes of armed robbery, theft, and aggravated battery – just to change it up a bit- altering styles, locations, and alibis.  There’s nothing worse than being a predictable criminal.
  6. After getting away with all of this, I suggest spending the majority of your golden years in this same manner, because hey, you only live once.


Please note: It is very important during all of this, that you don’t get discouraged!!!  Just because you really want to go to prison and things aren’t quite working out the way you planned, it doesn’t mean that your dreams won’t come true someday. 


In the words of Churchill:  “Never, ever, give up.” 


And look where he is now.

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