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Posts Tagged ‘polls’

I’m glad you tuned in tonight, I have alot of important news coming your way – including the results of your poll.  This is a special moment in The Daily Elephant history as we’ve crossed over the 20k visitor mark in less than six months.  You know what this means right?  Oh, you don’t.  Well, I was hoping you would because I haven’t a clue.  Anyway, it seems like we should celebrate, so I’d like to say a big thank you to all my avid readers (uh, brandon?)  and random visitors who are but innocent bystanders of my opinionated ramblings.  Oh yes, and while we’re popping the champagne corks I might just mention that a non-fiction story I wrote is being published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: My Resolution, in stores this Dec. 23!

YOUR POLL ANALYSIS: Last week, I conducted an extremely scientific, double blind poll, regarding the “real issues” of election 08.  Your results are as follows:  33% (the majority) of you feel that college is a freaking waste of time and money because you still don’t acquire any real life experience, thus have to waste you time in a dead end job so you can work your way up.  26% of you believe, despite what environmentalists are telling us,  that we are actually more important than polar bears.  22% still can’t wrap their minds around how Rosie O’Donell is still allowed to live here, and finally 19% are dumbfounded by the educational system.

Of all the topics that the general public of this fine planet have handed me on a golden platter with a side of cheesy potatoes to devour and criticize… I feel this monumental blog should be an extra special one.  Therefore, I must search my soul to find the one quagmire has driven me completely witless.  What ever shall it be?

. . . . . let me sleep on it.

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My Fellow Americans,

I just received word from BOTH the Obama and McCain campaigns. They are asking me to poll the American public and find out what’s really on your mind.  It’s time to exercise your right as an American citizen, and cast your vote below!

[for some reason the poll has disappeared.  but this is what it said]

1. the fact that you have to assume thousands of dollars of debt so you can struggle through 4 years of college, but then still end up working in a customer service job ‘cus you have “no real experience”

2. why environmentalists think that saving a polar bear is more important than retrieving our own oil so we don’t go broke and become taken over by the middle east

3. why high school graduates can disect a sentence but have no clue how to balance a checkbook or file their taxes

4.  why Rosie O’Donell is still allowed to live here

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