Posts Tagged ‘the office’

All of this talk about recession and depression has put a toll on people this holiday season.  I’ve heard alot of people saying they aren’t even going to exchange gifts…  well that is just too bad because after all that is what Christmas is truly about.  One of my friends’ families waits til Dec 27th to give presents, so they can buy everything cheaper at the after christmas sales.  What a deliciously easy way to scam the system, why haven’t we all thought of that by now?  Don’t feel bad, they are a family of rocket scientists.

Usually, we have a work Christmas party Holiday party.  We go out to dinner somewhere and half the department doesn’t show up, and the half who does show up is only there for the free food and opportunity to see our boss get drunk.   This year, of course, there will be no parties company-wide.  There will be a gathering at my bosses house, but I won’t be attending.  Mainly, because I don’t work there anymore.  Oh wait, did I forget to mention that?  Yea, no longer a banker.

Speaking of that, when you part ways with a job, there is one thing that really occurs to you the next morning when you wake up,  And that is:   how much crap you had at your desk.    After I emptied the box onto my counter, I was awestruck at just how much crap I had.  However, my crap was anything but useless- and if anything you should take notes on some of the extraordinarily useful and essential items I had there.


1.  A “He’s Just Not That Into You” daily calendar, still set at January 3rd ’08.  Not only was this book revolutionary and needs to be read by all women, but lets face it, it’s attractive as well.  And now for a close up:


2.  Aloe vera.   You never know when the fluorescent lights are going to get ya.  It’s best to be prepared.

3.   A Metallic, pre-lit mini Christmas tree.  I’m not going to lie to you.  I considered it, but then I thought – no, it’s Christmas.  This tree had been on my desk since October of 07.   I just didn’t light it all the time.

4.  A dollar store christmas candle from my secret santa last year.  Oops.  I either forgot to take it home, or I was scared it would blow up my house.  Who’s to know.

5.  The salt from the breakroom.  I mean, I use it so much it might as well just be at my desk.

Then, in a random twist of fate, there were things I’d forgotten.  So I went to go pick up another box from HR….. and what do I find?


Um, it’s nice that they returned my PLASTIC silverware, but they really didn’t need to leave the crusty generic peanut butter still on it.  Seriously?

You know what else pops into your head the day after you part ways?  The fact that you don’t have a job.


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The fact that my everyday life [from the hours of 8-4:30] is a mirror image of The Office is beside the point.   Last Monday, I arrive at work to find myself in the middle of Customer Service Appreciation week, which was kicked off by my boss wearing a Hawaiian shirt while cooking us breakfast (except he didn’t accidentally grill his foot in a George Foreman).  I’m a part of the “fun committee” or in Office terms the “party planning committee.”   My manager really pushed to have “Cowboy day” because he had a cowboy shirt that he wanted to wear.  We told him nobody had anything cowboy-ish, but he could wear it anyway.  He didn’t. Wednesday was hat day, and at the end of the day everyone who was wearing a hat had to line up against the wall and have our picture taken for our department homepage.  Every time we were supposed to smile, I held up my name plate in front of my face and no one ever noticed.   More on that later.


I have this next conversation about seventeen times a day, and it raises some major concerns in my mind about what century we are living in:


Me:  Thank you for calling _____, how may I help you?

Her:  Account balance.

Me:  OK. your name please?

Her:  Smith.

Me:  and your NAME please?

Her:  OH….. Jane.

Me:  Thank you.  The last four of your social?

Her:  My husband’s is 5432.

Me: sigh.  And the last four of YOUR social?

Her: oh, MINE…. Hmm… let me think.

Me: sigh.

Her:  Well, it’s probably under my husband’s.

Me:  You are the one calling.  The fact that you can tell me your husband’s information does not help me verify that I’m talking to you.  I need YOUR SOCIAL #$%#^%#!!!

Her: Um, ok, it’s um, 7654 I think.

Me:  thank you.



And all of this time, I thought it was no longer 1820, and women were actually considered people.  But every time I think I understand something…  someone has to go and prove me wrong.


On Hippie Day,  I went as an anti-hippie and wore this shirt:



 If you’re interested in getting your own, or other tasty, tasty shirts visit www.thoseshirts.com

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