Ok, hop in your DeLorean. Anytime I’m writing at 3am you must expect some sort of introspecion. A little glimpse into the past. So strap in kids.
Waaaay back when I first started writing blogs on Myspace, (uuuggh, dad, do we have to bring that up?) I called myself: “The Davey Crocket of Blogging –blazing trails of truth.” For what reason, I have no clue. Kind of like I have no clue why this is named The Daily Elephant.
Back then, I was different. You know all of the crazy events that I casually mention on this blog from time to time? The ones where you leave me comments and you’re all: “what the crap. that’s bs… that didn’t happen.” And then I tell you, yes it did. And then you still don’t believe me? Well, the myspace days were when they happened. And that is their official title in the rolodex of my life: the myspace days. [Definition] Myspace days = a period of 3-4 years where I lost my damned mind.
After I recovered from my trip to crazytown, I started this blog, to chronicle my extended stay there. And can I just say, that if you are planning a trip to crazytown anytime soon – invest in some deep conditioner – cus something is up with their soft water.
So here I am, back from crazytown and my blog still has no point. It’s like the Seinfeld of blogging. And again, I’m stuck with a retarded name that I’m not even sure how I came up with, yet I can’t even buy the domain for it cus some other idiot already did, who also has no idea what he’s gonna do with it. I mean, if some portly guy in a ski mask held a gun to my head and asked me what my blog was about, WHAT THE HECK would I say? I mean, after spewing the obvious immediate response of- “holy crap you need to get up off my grill cus I can’t concentrate like this…and seriously, I don’t know where that gun’s been.” But after that, then what?
I got nothing. But speaking of losing your mind… have you all see this clip of Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman because OH MY GAH is it nutty?!? Apparently, he is giving up acting to pursue a career in Rap music. I thought this was a publicity stunt at first, but then after closer analyzation it’s pretty clear that he’s just high. It’s HILARIOUS!
nice post
trailblazer!
fantastic
newman
I want to go stalk you on My Space and find those posts from your crazy years. If your posts are this entertaining during your “normal years”…I can’t imagine what they would’ve been like during your time in Crazytown!! 😉
With your “blazing trails of truth” mantra did you have Stephen Colbert as an idol or something? Didn’t he coin some phrase, “Truthiness”? HA!
Anyway, that was just the first thing that came to mind when I read that…
Joaquin is an odd duck. I am not quite sure what is going on. He looks like a criminal. Or maybe I’m just super critical.
Have a lovely day, Lil’ Phant, and all of her trusty followers!
oh rach. i think the myspace blogs are best left in the vault. the sealed vault of craziness. and i have no idea what was up with the blazing trails tagline… ugh. what’s worse is i had a richard simmons background of him swinging through the sky… what?
joaquin is odd, but hot in a very weird weird way. but i think this just removed any attraction i may have had towards him.
Yet people still find him to be a hottie! I always thought he was creepy looking and after that red carpet event when he asked a reporter if there was a frog on his head and that he thought it may be eating his brain, I lost all acting appeal from him as well. Good luck with rapping. You just may be crazy enough to pull it out eminnem style!
wait a minute dana.. how did you know about that? wait. i bet it was THE LIST channel? haha
1) Seinfeld is terrible. Not only did it have no point, but it failed to be amusing as well. At least your blog is amusing.
2) The myspace years were full of insanity. I never doubted they were real (probably because you were also on IM telling me how really serious you were about the stuff), but WOW was that a special time.
3) Can I say once again how crazy the myspace years were? I’m impressed you survived with your sanity mostly intact.
4) Your blog actually has somewhat of a direction: Chronicling your crazy life, along with some random social commentary. Basically a solid formula for a good blog, especially from someone who has been through SO MUCH.
5) I really hope the “crazytown” stuff is behind you, for the sake of your sanity.
I couldn’t believe half of the shit you had gone through when we first started talking, and then it just kept piling on from there on out. At least you still have a TON more stories to tell, so I don’t think it’s possible for you to run out of material.
I would like to point out one thing though: I am the trend setter when it came to commenting on your blogs. It’s (almost) the proudest accomplishment in my life.
1. whitty you are definatley the trendsetter here.
2.you were a faithful follower even back in crazy town…
3. how did you ever even come across my blog in the first place? i was like, who is this brandon kid leaving me comment love all over.
4. thank you for your continued faith in my blog, and my wealth of craziness to keep it going.
5. i’m sorry you had to witness the myspace blogs..
Wow whitty – ego is still there… ha.
Ok – I saw the Joaquin Phoenix deal – man that was awkward, especially when he just stuck his gum on the desk. I also love that photo of him when he’s trying to be cool by writing goodbye on his knuckles and idiot had it saying “bye! good” haha. awesome. I think the aliens in the Signs got him.
We’ve all detoured through crazytown, some of us just took the long way. You… well you got lost in there it sounds like.. glad you made it out!
haha julie… yes i got lost . i never was that good at directions.
oh the gum… man, for a moment there i actually felt bad for letterman. i was like, this kid isn’t joking, he’s seriously high. and he was getting offended at his jokes! tough crowd. tough crowd.
Ego? I have no idea what you’re talking about, Senseless.
yes, whitty, you’re right. that IS senseless
Just go “social commentary for the most part” if asked about your blog. You are only having a crisis of confidence because it’s after 3 A.M., but you have a really good blog, my wife is a big fan of the elephant as well.
I hate domain name squatters too, their should be a rule about “use it or lose it” on domain name squatting.
Seinfeld is a brilliant show, but if you watch the early 90’s episodes versus the late 90’s shows, they didn’t really get dialed in until after five or six years. Towards the end, they could weave multiple classic storylines into one episode seamlessly.
oh michael, well you give your wife a big hug from me. she sounds like a stand up gal.
seinfeld, much like friends, took the slow train to get it’s groove. I never watched either while they were on the air, but afterwards i’ve become a fan. probably because both of those shows resemble my life in many ways.
yea. the domain.. i mean, what money do you think you’re going to make by parking “thedailyelephant.com” i mean.. WHO would ever search for that?
Now now, let’s play nice.
Hey – I would now search for the elephant 🙂
my favorite line was “well joaquin i wish you could have been here tonight”
oh my gosh i know julie. HIGH-larious!
Oh Brit, you knew I’d follow your blogs to wherever you put them. The myspace days were fine, I just felt really bad because you were actually going through the stuff at the time. Plus back then we had some pretty amazing conversations, so I have nothing to complain about.
haha. yes whitty. i don’t think i’ve been on AIM since… those were the days when i lived at my parents house and they had the dial up still so i was always on. then i moved out to take care of heroin face and it always logged me on automatically. now i’ve broken free from that email and put it behind me along with my eight other cell phone numbers and various other paraphenalia.
OK i am going to be going against the entire world in their opinion of this joaquin phoenix saga and the seinfeld comment thing.
a) Seinfeld rocks, and it was funny! and it was pointless and i still love it!
b) I must be the only [in]sane one because i watched that interview with David Letterman…WHO IS NOT FUNNY… i dont get david letterman, i dont get his humour, i dont understand him…. i dont understand any of it…its frustrating and irritating… and think that i would react in the same way as Joaquin did to david letterman…and here comes the bit that may make me either insane or sane …… i didnt think Joaquin reacted or acted That weirdly to david letterman…i think i would too because i dont understand david letterman.. the man is not funny!
oh you may ask why i was watching david letterman if i dislike him so much? sometimes i find it like a rubix cube… im breaking my (metaphorical) balls to try and understand any it any of his “jokes” and hence it exercises my mind…. that and it makes me fall asleep quicker hehe.
haha. well susi… interesting commentary here. I must admit to you that i might be in *love* with david letterman. i think he is HILARIOUS! but see, you guys are just like those Brits – you’re sense of humor is so peculiar. Letterman is very dry, yes. but thats why i like him. I”m sure you’re not the only one who doesn’t, but you might be the only one on this blog who doesn’t.
well, if you want to talk about differences in humor lets talk about ALI G!?!? What the crap? that guy is so stupid, yet my former british boyfriend absolutely LOVED Him. why? i would ponder for hours while he would chuckle away and i stared in horror… huh.
It would have been fitting had he performed “Regulators” by Warren G and Nate Dogg. Only because of the line “If you smoke like I smoke, then your high like every day.”
I do understand how he feels though, almost of being on another planet. That’s how I feel when I visit TDE.
lol dale. hey wait a minute, it’s not THAT bad over here. is it?
omg Ali G is HILARIOUS!!! he is BRILLIANT!!
Sacha Cohen is a GENIUS! hahaha
Look at Borat! have you seen Borat the movie?? if you havent, u must its stitch splitting.
oh you americans! you need to get some of our good sense of humour into you!
so in order to remedy this flaw in at least one american… i am willing and happy to go on a date with any american boy who is half way decent looking, a realluy nice guy, is employed and isnt psycho hahaha i will teach him the ways of a great sense of humour. 😛
haha susi… how SELFLESS of you. willing to go out on a date with an upstanding, humorous, attractive, employed, non-psycho guy for the sake of science! unfortunately, susi, i am afraid that America has nothing to offer you in that arena. ..
and of course i’ve seen borat. i thought it was the stupidest movie of my life.
Everything that happens in my life references back to a Seinfeld episode. I love Elaine, minus her stance on abortion. Shut up, Brandon. 😉
Britney, I think I just drove through Crazytown last year. It was nice. I wish I’d stayed longer, actually.
I still think Joaquin is hot. I think the whole think was a schtick, but Letterman doesn’t like being outdone. Joaquin is one brick shy of a load anyway…I hope he doesn’t end up overdosing. Seriously…
I had a BIG crush on River.
This is my favorite kind of blog. You are all over the place. I dig it.
oh pinky. …” GET OUT!” i too love elaine, that was probably my favorite part, when she pushes hiim into the bathroom. anyway, my life is exactly like a seinfeld episode, especially when i’m with kenny… oh man. its ridiculous. well, as you know, if you’ve read any of our conversations they are all about nothing. it’s good though. i have a nice life now. well, i dig joaquin (gosh i hate typing that name, evertime my fingers get all sweaty and nervous because they have no idea how to spell it) i hate names that make no phoenetic sense. anyway, he’s hot, but i hope he doesn’t go down the same road as his brother.
Susi – Da Ali G Show remains one of my favorite shows ever. It is probably the only DVD set I bought and actually watched through multiple times.
Also, I do not enjoy David Letterman, Jay Leno, or Conan O’Brien. None of them are funny. Jimmy Kimmel is the only late night person even remotely worth watching, and even then I’d rather just watch The Daily Show and Colbert Report. So do not worry, some Americans still have a real sense of humor.
Pinky – Sorry, but Seinfeld still sucks. It’s just one of those facts of life people have to learn to accept.
uuuuuuuuugh. brandon. how could you? HOW COULD YOU like ali G?
i agree jay leno, conan, and any other late night person is not funny, but letterman has his moments. ive always had a secret crush on him. and no, i don’t want to talk about it cus i certainly can’t justify it. But its not like he’s funny enough that i actually watch him every night… i rarely ever do.
seinfeld? they all aren’t funny, i agree. but alot of them are.. if you can get past the porn music in the beginning… it’s alright.
feature away
hey amy! welcome. all you have to do is leave a comment on every post i have made since last friday. I will be choosing someone randomnly tomorrow night.
How could you NOT like Ali G? It’s so ridiculous and amazing. Letterman is the best of the trio though, I WILL agree with that. He has his moments. Leno and Conan are just terrible all around.
Also, I’m slightly offended that you just told susi that a male like that does not exist in the US. Unless, of course, every statement like that gets the implied “except Brandon”
lol. hmm. suuuure. thats what i meant brandon.
Brit.
1. I, too, did not enjoy Borat. I still have nightmares about the fat naked man.
2. I hate typing Mr. Phoenix’s first name, I always have to double check my spelling.
see? i never doubted that you saw things the way they should be. thanks julie
I think you two need to be separated or something. I’m not liking what this is trending towards.
ok dad.
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are you feeling left out?
Not at all. I just know the consequences of getting into an argument with a girl who has a virtual twin on pretty much every issue. I can’t win. Ever. Which of course goes against my mantra of always being right.
sorry we had to be the first to prove you wrong whitty.
Wait, is his brother River?
yup. he’s the older brother of joaquin, rain, and summer phoenix. …
seriously, who’s naming these kids?
and what’s worse than his name now, was his name before he changed it. his original name was “river jude bottom” so essentially, river bottom. …. who would do that?
Oh yeah, Seinfeld was just okay, that pile gigantic pile of money that he sleeps on every night from being the most beloved, respected and highly syndicated situation comedy in the history of the medium are subtle clues to the “mildly above averageness” of the show.
And Conan? What a hack. From his completely fluky role as the editor of the highly coveted “Harvard Lampoon” in college, to his role as a writer on Saturday Night Live, which they always give to people who aren’t funny, to his time as a writer on “The Simpsons”, another really unfunny show that people barely watch because it is so brutal, to his 15 year run on late night TV being not funny, it’s really all the same crap.
But you know who is really hilarious?
michael… i mean, it takes alot to get five stars in my book. he’s got about 4 or so.
conan .. i literally cannot stand to look at his big, red, puffy haired head
all SNL writers are not funny. Tina Fey. Prime example.
and….WHO?
ok ok whittydiatribes… for the sake of science, you and i should go on a date so i can teach you all about how AWFUL david letterman is… hahha. yes lil phant,…. its all for the sake of science and the saving of the american race lol.
Seinfeld rocks!
oh and on as another little exclusive on Alfie (see daily elephants post regarding the 13yr old father from the UK)…. apparently now there are offers to have the DNA results… wait for it…. broadcast on TV!
also the latest rumour is that the 15yr old girls mother (so the grandmother) planned to blame the 13yr old hoping it would get her on TV and earn them some money for the ridiculous story… hehe
YES! thank you susi, i actually saw an update tonight on cable… they don’t show it on regular stations… the crashing economy is more important than little alfie..go figure.
i’m sure whitty would be willing to conduct a scientific experiment with you any day… hah.
whats with all the night owls reading this blog? geez
dont forget missy i am downunder! hehe so my night is your day and your day is my night… Susi SPice IS IN YOUR FUTURE! :P….. hang on dam that makes me a day older than you! bastards! haha
yea! so how about that susi. you have your cilantro and your trashy news channels, but i have a longer life span. hah!
SNL has a lot of bad writers. They have some golden skits like “Mark Wahlberg talks to Animals” and a lot of the SNL Digital Shorts (who are written by a separate group called The Lonely Island, which includes Andy Samberg). If it weren’t for the SNL Digital Shorts, I don’t think SNL would get any buzz outside of election time political skits (which is obviously their strength). Outside of that, it’s just overall mediocrity, and has been for a LONG time.
And the “night owls” are obviously those dirty foreigners, like eurotrash and the lovely Aussie that wants to “conduct a scientific experiment” with me. I’m willing to uh… “learn” how awful David Letterman is. Actually, I’m curious, do Aussies have an equivalent to our terrible late night TV hosts? And is he/she funny?
actually whitty, i don’t even like the digital shorts.. in fact they are my LEAST favorite part, besides the weekend update…. and the .. ok, i hate everything about SNL. since chris katan left.. man i loved him and all the decent actors it SUCKS
Fred Armsisen and Kirsten Wiig are really talented, Seth Myers does a great job with the news and Amy Poehler always cracks me up.
The show has its ebbs and flows like every other 30 year iconic sketch comedy show that produces the vast majority of comedic film actors.
I think that on their best days with their best material a lot of regular folk who think they are amazingly witty would have trouble cracking SNL as a writer.
you know michael, i used to do improv (sort of second city style stuff) and we’d write our own skits. it’s NOT easy by any stretch of the means to come up with new materal on a weekly basis. We had a monthly show and i must say that we came up with some pretty hilarious stuff. Amy poehler is funny. I’ll give you that.
WAIT, Chris Katan is “funny”, yet you don’t find Ali G hilarious? You don’t like SNL Digital Shorts?
You’re insane, woman.
my insanity was never in question, whitty. yours however, is a new development
Brian Fellows was one of my favorite skits of all time. I stopped watching it a while ago.
Lil ‘phant! Didn’t you do a really funny speech like your senior year or so? I’m trying to remember it, but all I can remember is Jon R’s flipping hilarious speech a couple years later. I do remember something funny though, just don’t remember what it was or what it was about.
that is a very good question dale. you realize that was almost 10 years ago now. i do remember i did speeches… and now that you mention it, i think i did do a humorous one senior year and then performed it at the spring concert or something. [is that they called it?] i think it might have been about a man and a wife. My memory isn’t as good after i got hit by that drunk driver junior year and got the hole in my head, so forgive me.
For reals? You got hit by a drunk driver? I got hit roadside by a truck when I was three, I don’t remember too many details as it was a while ago, but after the truck bounced off they were very concerned about the state of the truck.
yes, i did. my junior year. i don’t remember any of it i was unconscious for several hours. i have a permanent hole in the side of my skull now. yay!
You poor thing! I only got broken ribs, broken collar bone, a concussion, broken leg in three places, operated on without anesthesia (due to age), but no permanent damage. No permanent damage. No permanent damage.
oh man, well sounds like you had it worse than me. I can’t believe i had no other injuries considering i was in a little saturn and a mini van hit me directly in the drivers side door. my head cracked the windshield, but no scars or anything. they also said i could have siezures for the rest of my life but never did. the piece of my skull that is broken off is pushing on my brain and they said if it was a milimeter closer i would have been paralyzed for life… so the moral is i am blessed.
That’s my moral of the story too: lucky to be alive!
longer life span? since when>? my nation may have beat your nation at been the fattest in the world but i havent contributed to that score! hehe
whittydiatribes… we dont really have any late night talk show equivalents… there have been attempts but all failed. The only one that is kinda sorta funny is a guy named Rove… he is ok, nothing to really brag about hehe.
there is a show called The Chasers War in Everything… these guys are killer funny they are so satirical and intelligent and have done some outrageous stunts. you can check out some of their stuff on YouTube.
Hmm… I remember that. Too bad I don’t remember the speech, I just remember it being funny. Only reason I remember that is because I didn’t pick you to be funny.
Out of high school 10 years!!! OMG!
didn’t pick me to be funny. well what the crap dale?
Sounds like Australians are failures at everything. However, they do have their own version of Top Gear, which gives them a leg up on us Americans (our version of Top Gear was recently canned)… luckily we can just watch the British version.
Sounds like Dale just found his way to the dog house…
ha, yes he just very well may have whitty.
oh u are askingme to break out a big can of whoop ass on you now whittydiatribe… its on now!
What the hell happened to Joaquin Phoenix?
Maybe, TDE (that’s The Daily Elephant for you), you’re the Murphy Brown or the Roseanne Barr of blogging. LOL. I’m not into Seinfeld, but the former two made me laugh like crazy before. Hehe.
i hATED murphy brown flash… but i do love some roseanne. i always catch the reruns on nick at night when the insomnia sets in. it must be her calming laugh that lulls me to sleep. hah
oh why you hated murphy brown?
yeah i agree with roseanne’s laugh… it’s devilish but soothing.
Jesus Christ there is plenty of spammy comments on this site. Have you ever believed about trying to eliminate them or installing a wordpress plugin?