Well Iowa broke some news today …in the way of asparagus picking.
This is what we know.
Apparently, a guy was driving along a highway with his two year old son and five year old niece. As he’s driving along without a care in the world, he takes notice of the way the wheat fields are swaying in the breeze, how the grassy knolls appear untouched by man – and all the world seemed at peace. Until that moment. That moment when the clouds broke and a single ray of light shone down, upon a patch of wild asparagus. He slammed on his breaks almost causing a forty car pile up, pulled over and parked the car. Because how could he not.
By the time the police arrived, the man had wandered a half mile down the road, abandoning his crying niece (a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do). After questioning the man as to why he had left the children in the car, he explained that he had no choice, if he wanted the asparagus, that is. However, the man was found to have no identifiable asparagus on his person. 
But they did find some weed and a plethora of drugs in the backseat.
And the wild asparagus fields of Iowa are left yet again to suffer another five thousand years of no one caring that they even exist.
“sir, hand over the asparagus right now!”
“i don’t have anything, i swear.”
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